To be or not to be? That’s always been the question, and most likely always will be. When I set out on my own journey to be happy in my own skin, I must say I was somewhat naive to certain aspects that were to come along with it. Aspects that girls, and women go through on a daily basis. I am not going to outright spell it out for you, but because I can, and will, within the context of this tidbit, be somewhat vague.

I’ve always been androgynous, something I was able to use to my advantage in my early days of advertising professional fetish services; “Androgynous Pretty Boy/Girl Will Whip You Into Shape!” It paid off, clients got it and so did the rest in my social circle. At the time I was still very much immersed in dealing with my own dysphoria,

not only with the so called professionals who diagnosed me from here to there, but in daily life, which seemed to be the biggest challenge.

Now let me remind you that the choice to advertise fetish services, was a choice I made all on my own, no coercion, no gun to my head, but for several other reasons. First off, I love the world of fetish, second, it allowed me to grow and learn about myself, third, I felt I finally belonged and felt needed and accepted in my own skin, and finally, I could make decent money doing what I loved! My dysphoria meant I didn’t want what was between my legs, and I was certainly not going to play with, or make money with it. Indulging in fetish interests was a perfect fit, it never came into play, always neatly tucked away for the day when it would be completely gone!

Being labelled as androgynous never truly affected me, to the point where I actually felt I owned it. I felt good about gender bending to suit my needs. What started to affect me was when I wasn’t actually intending to do so being out in public (as though I am an animal out of my cage for the day) the comments would seem to fly from the cars driving by, or the passersby on the sidewalks. I could hear things like, “is that a guy or a girl?” under the breaths of the ignorant. Those truly brave enough, and just as equally ignorant, would ask it to my face, “are you a guy or a girl?”

Do you see where the labelling for girls and women comes into play now? Yes? No?

Getting caught off guard is never nice, especially in the face of ignorance, and especially from strangers. Usually my reply was a polite, “FUCK OFF!” I mean what else is a lady supposed to answer with? It’s not always easy to let it roll off like water off a duck’s back, it does hurt, and can affect a person deeply, and long term! Not everyone is strong enough to let go, trust me I know enough people who are no longer a part of this plain of existence, for some at their own hands, and some at the hands of others.

Individuality through your own presentation is very important, and taken seriously, especially by those in the “trans boat” one of the many reasons a person will go to great lengths to present to the world in the gender they know they are. I’ve done a lot to present who I am, the way I am, of that I think it is pretty damn clear, but to question and be rude within earshot? I just don’t get it, if you can’t say it to my face then don’t say it all!

It takes balls to be compassionate, and even bigger ones to understand, and if you don’t have them, then grow a set! The folks who get it, are woman and man enough in their own sexuality and just don’t truly give a damn to be asking questions or making statements truly, stupid!

Those in my life love me for who I am. My lovers are man and woman enough to know that I am all woman, they are comfortable in their sexuality, excited and proud to be with me, and very protective in the face of negativity. My family and friends are no different.

I will admit I am not your average bear, a lot stronger than most, and find myself on the nurturing side of things when those that find themselves hurt and affected come to me for solace. I am here for them and even those with other matters not gender related,and I always will be.

I am a set of ears to listen with, a full heart of love, and arms for a tight warm embrace.

So I ask you, guy or girl? Do you even need to ask? Does it really matter?